This is the cake I made for myself - a princess castle cake...

Mood: Good

I have been feeling great-good for about the past week and a half and it has been a FANTASTIC experience. I havn't felt this way in so long.... I almost forgot who she was. I put it down in a final tweak in my medication. I'm off a mood stabiliser and taking double to triple my original prozac intake. I can see again, smell again, hear again... a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Techniqually I either have bipolar 2, depression with bipolar tendencies or major depressive disorder - depending on the doctor you talk to. But at the moment I feel free, I no longer have to worry about all that for now.

I have also found a release in spending money. I have so many DVD's still in plastic and books unread as well as heaps of glory box items! (so many I had to buy storage boxes for them!) I'm trying to save more at the moment, so we'll see how that goes.

I got my hair coloured. Dark chocolate browny red with hidden copper foils throughout. I like it. My hair feels so silky.

I had a dream last night that a child at work was upset and hurt and needed a bandaid. So I got up to get him one... literally! I got out of bed! And then I woke up when I got to the kitchen and was like WHAT THE! WHY AM I IN THE KITCHEN! Creeeepppppyyyyyyyyy.

If I stay up late several nights in a row, for whatever reason, it triggers me.

And yet here I am. Up late once again, knowing I need to rise at 5:30am for a job that is completely unstable due to recent activities brought on by my moods.

Mood.

What a stupid word.

Why do I do this to myself? Do you do this to? Do something, go somewhere that triggers you even though you KNOW it triggers you?

I don't want to feel this way but I know I will feel this way if I stay up late once again but I do it anyway and I have no explanation as to why.

None.

I had these ideas. Thoughts, movements, ideas, ideas flowing, coming and going of achieving things, changing things, correcting things.

But it never happens.

At the end of the day, all I can do is keep breathing.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII want to rock and roll alll nightttt.... and party every day! IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII want to rock and roll all nighttttt AND PARTY EVERYDAY!

Guitar Hero 3 rocks!

Do you want to know what sucks? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW what sucks? Being female and having a bloody mental disorder. Female with bi-polar.

FEMALE! Havn't I enough hormones racing around?!? Havn't I enough fucking estrogen?!?! Do I really need a mood disorder on top of what I already deal with?! For fucks sake I bleed out our hormones every month on top of being too attached to my damn emotions and lets alllllllll top it off with a big fat MANIC DEPRESSION.

Where the fuck is the house I asked for?? DAMN YOU!!!!!

Love,
Kelly
xxx

Yesterday Chris and I went to Mt Fuji and Hakone on an organised tour.  Unfortunatly it was pretty cloudy so we didn't get a clear glimpse of the mountain but it was still a good day out.  It was nice to have someone else think for you and tell you where to go and what to eat... it was a nice rest.  The day started with Chris and I traveling to the bus station where our tour bus would leave from.  The first stop was the Mt Fuji information centre that had a few cool facts aout the mountain in English.  Did you know that Mt Fuji is an ACTIVE volcano?  Pretty interesting.

The next stop was the 4th station on Mt Fuji.  It has been snowing in the morning so the 5th station where they usually go was closed.  Chris took this picture on our stop.



Because the weather started to change again and get really foggy we headed back down the mountain and with our extra time were able to stop at the Peace Pagoda which was located... somewhere...  in Hakone I think.

Me in front of the Peace Pagoda.  There were cool lion statues from all around Asia in the garden too which was really cool to look at.



Chris and I in front of some stone carving fountain thing at the Peace Pagoda.



After the Peace Pagoda we were back on the road and headed towards a lake in Hakone for a river cruise.  The river cruise/ferry ride lasted about 15 minutes.  It was really cold outside so I stayed indoors and looked out of the windows.  Chris was feeling brave and went out into the cold to take photos.  We then went on a cable car ride up onto some mountain where it was FREEZING and the fog was so thick you couldn't see very far ahead.

Heres me on top of a hill where some shrine ting was.



Chris then made me walk off into the wilderness where we found a rusted up building that use to be another cable ca place.  I found that really odd that they just left the building there like that. SPPOOOOOOOOKKYYYYYYYYY!  Then we walked back to the group which took about 5 minutes because I was over exagerating about the wilderness thing.

I needed to go to the toilet and they only had Japanese style toilets available!!  Boo!



But then I got to ride a horse and that cheered me up quite a bit.



So our hotel in Tokyo is located in Ginza, the most flashiest, poshest place you could imagine.  It is compared with 5th avenue in New York.  Heres a photo of Ginza at night in one of the least fanciest places there is (still really nice!).



A Louie Vutton building!



Chris and I went in search of the Godzilla statue and were very disappointed to find this in its place....



And lastly a photo I begged Chris to take because it was way too cute.  Look veryyyyyy closely at the flowers...



Hello Kitty!!  Isn't that funny!  Well I'm going to go have a look through all the little knick knacks I bought today and eat some Pocky.

Ja Mata!

Also a note that there are 2 other journal entries I did but back dated.